The roller coaster
The thrill of Christmas morning filled my heart with so much hope and promise for the future. This man who had shown me so much love and kindness, who had came into my life at just the right time, who had built me up instead of tearing me down, wanted to marry me. My heart was full. It was his first promise to me. A promise to love and cherish me. A promise to give me a life I had always wanted. A promise to love my daughter like his own.
I went about my morning in a cloud of happiness. I watched my daughter playing with her new things she had received for Christmas. I watched Joey and seen what i believed to be the same sort of happiness I was feeling. A look in his eyes that made me believe every promise he had made. His eyes were always a window to his soul. I just hadn't learned to read all the looks at this time. Yet I do still believe he was happy at this time.
Soon it was time to get ready to go to Christmas dinner at my mom's. We all got ready and made our way to Hopkinsville. It was about 45 minutes from where we lived to where my mom lived. I was so excited to get there and announce our engagement. So excited in fact, i didn't notice the shift in Joey. Something happened in that 45 minute drive that would change the rest of the evening. And really, the rest of our lives together. On that ride to moms, it was that first uphill climb to the top of that roller coaster that you wanted to ride so badly. That first climb where you anxiously await that first drop. That drop that fills you with an adrenaline rush, makes your stomach drop, and your heart beat out of your chest. The problem was i didn't know yet that i was even on that roller coaster.
When we arrived at mom's, we all went in and was visiting with my mom and step dad and waiting for my sister and her family to arrive. My mom let my daughter and Joey and I go ahead and open our gifts and we loaded them in the car. After about an hour, Joey said he was going to go up to my sister's house and see what was taking them so long since everyone was waiting on them. I didn't think anything about it, handed him the keys, kissed him goodbye, and he was gone. About an hour or so after that my sister and her family arrived, but Joey wasn't with them. I asked where he was, and the response was "we haven't seen him, he never came to the house". The drop off. The downward plummet of my heart.
You see, while i ignored the red flags, i was still aware of them. So when they said they hadn't seen him, i knew enough to know that he was somewhere he shouldn't be with someone he didn't need to be with. I did all i could to maintain my composure when all i really wanted to do was scream as the roller coaster barreled down the tracks. But i managed to hold it together. We went ahead with opening gifts and having Christmas dinner. My sister's family went home after a few hours. I sat waiting. Stranded at my mom's. No car. No way of reaching Joey. Just stuck. My head was spinning out of control. My heart was breaking. My stomach turning. At about 9 or 10, i asked my sister if she would come back and get my daughter and I. I felt that if and when he showed up, he would go there rather than mom's. And he did, at about 2 in the morning, and coming down off an evening of getting high on crack cocaine. His first broken promise.
until next time, thanks for reading :)
I went about my morning in a cloud of happiness. I watched my daughter playing with her new things she had received for Christmas. I watched Joey and seen what i believed to be the same sort of happiness I was feeling. A look in his eyes that made me believe every promise he had made. His eyes were always a window to his soul. I just hadn't learned to read all the looks at this time. Yet I do still believe he was happy at this time.
Soon it was time to get ready to go to Christmas dinner at my mom's. We all got ready and made our way to Hopkinsville. It was about 45 minutes from where we lived to where my mom lived. I was so excited to get there and announce our engagement. So excited in fact, i didn't notice the shift in Joey. Something happened in that 45 minute drive that would change the rest of the evening. And really, the rest of our lives together. On that ride to moms, it was that first uphill climb to the top of that roller coaster that you wanted to ride so badly. That first climb where you anxiously await that first drop. That drop that fills you with an adrenaline rush, makes your stomach drop, and your heart beat out of your chest. The problem was i didn't know yet that i was even on that roller coaster.
When we arrived at mom's, we all went in and was visiting with my mom and step dad and waiting for my sister and her family to arrive. My mom let my daughter and Joey and I go ahead and open our gifts and we loaded them in the car. After about an hour, Joey said he was going to go up to my sister's house and see what was taking them so long since everyone was waiting on them. I didn't think anything about it, handed him the keys, kissed him goodbye, and he was gone. About an hour or so after that my sister and her family arrived, but Joey wasn't with them. I asked where he was, and the response was "we haven't seen him, he never came to the house". The drop off. The downward plummet of my heart.
You see, while i ignored the red flags, i was still aware of them. So when they said they hadn't seen him, i knew enough to know that he was somewhere he shouldn't be with someone he didn't need to be with. I did all i could to maintain my composure when all i really wanted to do was scream as the roller coaster barreled down the tracks. But i managed to hold it together. We went ahead with opening gifts and having Christmas dinner. My sister's family went home after a few hours. I sat waiting. Stranded at my mom's. No car. No way of reaching Joey. Just stuck. My head was spinning out of control. My heart was breaking. My stomach turning. At about 9 or 10, i asked my sister if she would come back and get my daughter and I. I felt that if and when he showed up, he would go there rather than mom's. And he did, at about 2 in the morning, and coming down off an evening of getting high on crack cocaine. His first broken promise.
until next time, thanks for reading :)